HIGH WATER BILL, HIGH STRESS

So, you've just opened one of your seemingly endless bills and found that you have evidently drained Warragamba Dam in the last quarter.

That's about 2.065 trillion litres of water, by the way.

I mean, sure, you have teenage kids, but that's a LOT of water.

Before you ground the kids for eternity and cancel the water park holiday, there are a few things you should check:

First, go and have a look at your water meter.

Make sure no one in the house is using any water and see if the small number or indicator on the meter is still ticking over. If it is, there's a good chance you have a leak somewhere.

Now go to your toilet and peer into the bowl like the first time you got proper drunk and drove the porcelain bus.

Look closely for water constantly trickling into the bowl. A leaking toilet can quietly waste an astonishing amount of water without making much noise or causing any obvious damage.

Nothing there?

Go outside, get some fresh air, have a little inner reflection on your life choices, and while you're out there check all the garden taps.

Look for dripping taps, wet patches in the lawn, unusually lush patches of grass, water seeping through pavers or moisture appearing through cracks in concrete.

Still nothing?

If you're feeling brave, chuck on some old clothes, preferably your finest Hypercolour T-shirt, and go snooping around underneath the house.

Look for dripping water, wet soil, puddles or obvious leaks from pipework.

If there's a fair bit of water, see if you can work out roughly where it's coming from. Is it underneath the bathroom? Kitchen? Laundry?

You might even be lucky enough to spot water spraying from a split pipe or pouring from a disconnected fitting.

If you can, brilliant.

Turn the water off at the meter and call a plumber.

You've potentially saved the plumber some investigative time and yourself some money.

WHAT IF YOU STILL CAN'T FIND IT?

If neither you nor your plumber can see where the water is escaping, you may have a concealed leak.

That's when specialist leak-detection equipment becomes extremely useful.

Depending on the situation, equipment can include pipe-tracing gear to work out where underground or concealed pipes actually run, acoustic leak-detection equipment that listens for the sound of pressurised water escaping from a pipe, and forming gas, usually a hydrogen and nitrogen mixture, which can be introduced into pipework and detected using a specialised hydrogen gas detector.

With the right equipment and an experienced operator, concealed leaks can often be narrowed down very accurately.

This is significantly better than digging random holes through your driveway because someone had a vibe the leak might be there.

Once the concealed leak has been located and repaired, keep your plumber's invoice and contact Sydney Water.

Depending on the circumstances and their current concealed-leak allowance policy, you may be eligible for an adjustment to part of the unusually high water usage on your bill.

It might not make you rich, but it's better than a kick in the bollocks.

Anyway folks, I hope this helps.

And as always, make sure your plumbing is carried out by a fully licensed and insured plumber.